Keep Showing Up – An Encouragement for Pastors’ Wives

Recently, I moderated a panel of Ministers’ Wives and asked the following question…Supporting your husband in ministry is rarely glamorous — it’s often quiet, unseen work. What has been the most meaningful and sustainable way you’ve found to support him? The youngest on the panel shared that, in preparing for this, she decided to ask her husband the question. His response was powerful…

He said, “You show up.”

What he meant by that is her presence was a ministry to him and others.

She brings peace in her wake, wisdom in her words, and rigor in her work. Proverbs 31:10-31 outlines this type of woman.

Is your presence a ministry to your husband and others?

It can be challenging to show up when it’s not convenient, life is busy, and expectations are high, but those times mean the world to your husband, along with the normal day-to-day of being a pastor’s wife, teaching Bible studies, preparing potluck dishes, filling vacancies in the nursery, and so much more. You show up, even when it’s last-minute, hard, and thankless.

What are some ways we can show up in our relationships, church, and community?

1. Prioritize your relationship with Jesus when no one is looking. Time alone with Christ fills us up so that we can then pour out. It sets us up to react and respond to situations with the mind of Christ. We are mirrors, and the longer we linger in the presence of Christ, the more we reflect Him and less of ourselves.
2. Be a safe space for your husband. We often talk about physical safety in relationships, but psychological safety is just as important. Feeling safe to share your highs and lows, thoughts, expectations, and failures is the foundation of a strong relationship. It may mean listening with encouragement instead of expounding with correction. There are times when a challenging conversation is needed, but most of the time, your spouse just needs a listening ear and unconditional love and support.
3. Be fully engaged. Culturally, it is acceptable and even normal to check your phone while in conversations with others. I have been known to scroll on social media while my son talked to me, instead of making eye contact and being fully present. Being fully engaged communicates love and shows that you value them and what they are sharing.
4. Disciple the women in your church. Look for ways to support and encourage the leaders in your church, especially younger women. God has gifted you with a ministry of presence in your church. Younger women look up to you. Take opportunities to meet them for coffee, walk through Scripture, or invite them to your child’s soccer game to spend time with them. One day, Morgan, the girl I mentored, texted me and asked if she could come to my house and help me do chores, even fold my laundry, just to hang out and talk about life. Those intentional, yet unplanned moments were sweet and life-giving to us both.
5. Be active in your community. Look for ways to be helpful and a light in your child’s school, at the ball field, in local stores, and in your neighborhood. God has strategically placed you where you live, work, and play. In what ways can we show up for our neighbors, family, and friends to help lead to a conversation about the life-changing relationship with Jesus?
6. Be an encourager. The Lord has given you a unique platform and perspective. With that, you are able to see those who are making a difference for the Kingdom. Look for ways to encourage and support them; it might be a simple encouraging text, attending the event they planned, taking them a coffee from their favorite coffee spot, or writing a thank you post to share about their work. Ask God to place in your heart someone you can encourage today!

Pastor’s wife, thank you for showing up for your spouse, at church, in your relationships with others, and with God. We are better because you are present.