The Two Main Ingredients for Officiating a Funeral

C. S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed, “The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there’s no God at all,’ but ‘So this is what God’s really like. Deceive yourself no longer.’”[1] This quote came after his wife, Helen, passed away. Lewis was not concerned about his faith in God’s existence when she died, but rather how his grief might change his view of God’s divine attributes. Lewis’s words capture the despair of even a believer’s struggle with a loved one’s death. Now, try and imagine the thoughts and feelings of those who do not believe in Christ. The question we ought to ask is, “How do we officiate a funeral that acknowledges both the grief of the audience and accentuates the hope of the gospel?”

Funerals are services that force people to come face-to-face with their own mortality. Whether it is a lifeless body, or an urn filled with human remains, we are reminded that at any moment we could die. We see ourselves in the position of the deceased and ponder many questions about life and death. What happens after we die? How will people remember me? Is this life all there is? Can I prevent my death? The list of questions is endless, but those who officiate funerals must be prepared to answer some of these questions during the service. Therefore, while some funerals might include prayer, songs, and Scripture depending on the family and the deceased, all officiants ought to include these two primary components when conducting a funeral—a eulogy and the gospel.

Component One: A Eulogy

            One of the ways people can overcome their grief is through shared experiences. Stories about their loved one helps attendees celebrate the life of the deceased. A eulogy serves this purpose. An officiant has two options for choosing who will perform this task. Option 1: the minister could be asked to deliver a eulogy. If you are assigned this responsibility, you must spend adequate time with family and friends collecting stories and information prior to the service. These conversations grant you glimpses into what people thought about the deceased. Common themes will begin to emerge from what others share—i.e., the one who died was servant-hearted, generous, kind, etc. This time will also benefit the next component by building relationships with those who will be in attendance.

Sometimes either a good friend or family member may be asked or may desire to share a word about the deceased—this is option 2. When this happens, have the individual write it all out and submit for your approval prior to the service. This practice prepares you for what they are going to say while also preventing any “dirty laundry” from going public. Funerals exist as emotional affairs, and a bad eulogy can hinder the next component we will discuss. In addition, the one delivering the tribute has a script in case they are either unable to finish or lose their train of thought due to their grieving status.

Eulogies help alleviate grief by bringing to remembrance the many good qualities and life of the deceased. Appropriate stories and some humor can lighten the mood. My preferred method is to place a eulogy before the message, which prepares the crowd for component two—share the gospel.

Component Two: Share the Gospel

            One of the greatest disservices to Jesus and a gospel ministers’ calling is to neglect sharing the gospel. Funerals are environments surrounded by death and grief. How could we not tell others about the hope and life-giving message of the gospel in such circumstances? After the death of Lazarus, Jesus declared to Lazarus’s sister, Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25–26). This historical account provides the steps for declaring the work of Christ at a funeral.

First, we share how the perfect life, sacrificial death, and victorious resurrection of Jesus Christ grants life to those who repent and believe (Mark 1:15). Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25a). Next, we explain how the work of Christ promises life both in the present and the future (cf. John 11:25b–26a; Colossians 3:9–10). Grieving people contemplating mortality need to hear how Jesus’s work removes the sting of death (cf. 1 Corinthians 15:54–57). Finally, offer an invitation to the gospel. Jesus, after all, asked Martha, “Do you believe this?” (John 11:26b). One of the ways I offer this call is by giving the audience time to reflect via a moment of silence. I have them evaluate their life and reflect upon their own repentance and faith. After a few moments, I tell participants how they can take their next steps in either following Jesus for the first time or taking their faith journey to the next level. Finally, I make myself available when the service concludes. You may determine what works best for you in your context.

The Main Ingredients

            Some may think I have neglected some important aspects like prayer, Scripture reading, music, etc. Those elements may be present, but they depend on the family and the deceased. Believers might include some or all of these in the service’s order, while a lost family might not include any of them. That is why I have focused on the two primary components for conducting a funeral—i.e., a eulogy and sharing the gospel. No matter the religious disposition of the deceased or the family, these two elements are the main ingredients for officiating a funeral.

[1] C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York: HarperCollins, 2009), 6–7.

Editor’s Note: Photo from Unsplash.com