Using MY gifts for the church: Serving Joyfully as a Pastor’s Wife

But don’t you play piano?

I’ve heard this is a common question for a new music pastor’s wife, and it reveals a lot about the expectation put on any pastor’s wife. Sometimes well-meaning church members give suggestions on how you should serve the church, and often, we let that determine the place we serve. To serve with joy and perseverance, you should instead let your gifting determine where you serve.

There are no specific guidelines for the way a ministry wife should serve the church, but there are some guidelines for believers. We need to love the church, meet together regularly, invest in relationships, and use our gifts to serve the body. (Heb 10:24-25; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Thes 5:11; 1 Pt 4:10)

Since we’re called to serve, how can you find a place that you love serving and fits who you are? Let’s look at 4 things to consider as you find your place.

1. Serve where you’re gifted.

Ministry wife, you need to figure out how God has gifted you to serve the church. Yes, we serve in many invisible ways that we don’t get to pick- getting our families to church alone, sitting in the worst front seats, enduring vacation disruptions.

But when we can choose our place to serve, we should choose places for which we are gifted. This helps you sustain joyful service. If you’re not sure where that is, ask where you’re drawn to. Where do others affirm you? What ages do you enjoy most? Just because serving somewhere is hard doesn’t always mean it’s most godly.

2. Know your boundaries and time limits.

As you figure out where to serve, you need to be able to set healthy boundaries. As a ministry wife, you may be asked to do more than others are. You need to be aware of not just what you may be able to handle, but also how your serving effects your husband’s ministry and your kids’ lives. We should set boundaries and not feel guilty for keeping them. That leads to our next thought…

3. Be willing to kindly say no.

I struggle with saying yes too often, but I need to be willing to say no to things that don’t line up with my giftings and capacity. I need to live a healthy life for God’s glory and approval, not man’s. When I’m exhausted and burnt out, I’m not good for serving anyone, and if I don’t say no to some things, that’s where I end up. Saying no isn’t unkind. Sometimes we need to give a gracious no- offered without guilt and grounded in the conviction that it’s truly what’s best.

4. Be willing to joyfully say yes.

It’s good to be able to say no, but sometimes I need to be willing to give a joyful yes! What makes it joyful? For me, it’s when it aligns with my gifting, gives me time to prepare, and I have space that week (not just that day) on the calendar. I also make sure it fits in our family schedule and doesn’t dump on my husband. When I’ve checked those boxes, I love being able to serve the body! It’s what God made us to do and brings great friendship, fulfillment and meaningful connection with others and the Lord.

Regardless of what your church expects of you, God expects us to serve His church.

Regardless of what your church expects of you, God expects us to serve His church. When we do it within the bounds of our gifting and capacity, we can joyfully thrive! What steps do you need to take today so that you can persevere in serving joyfully where you’re gifted?